So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
