god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
