just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize