New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
