Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
MIDGETS
????
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
