Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
