From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize