They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
