We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize