I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
