Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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