Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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