Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
