I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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