a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
