Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
