probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I would fuck him just for his dog
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize