I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
