Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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