she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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