you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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