She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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