Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
