tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
