i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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