I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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