Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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