grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
