This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
