it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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