so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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