Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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