You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
