Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
