Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
