there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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