the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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