i can't believe i had my finger in that
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
