Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
