He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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