I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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