i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
