420 ftw
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
