btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
