Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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