I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize