when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
