you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
