just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
