mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
