So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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