I just saw a hot homeless man
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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