I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
