Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
