this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
