wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
