ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
