we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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