Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i think im in europe. pls send help
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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