I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FUCK WHALES
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
