Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
