how can u be prego again
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
vagina is talking i cant
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
