I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
