Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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