i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
