I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
