Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
