she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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