Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
